Rambo III (1988)

You have to feel a bit sorry for John Rambo. Despite being a war hero, in his first movie, First Blood he tries to get a bite to eat in a typical American town. The town's sheriff makes it clear that he's not welcome, Rambo doesn't take it too well, and he gets arrested, escapes and starts a mini war against the local police force and National Guard.

In the second, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rambo, now doing time for the aforementioned antics, gets offered the chance for freedom but only if he agrees to return to Vietnam to take photos of a prisoner of war camp. He gets abandoned there, and starts a mini war against the local soldiers. By the time Rambo III comes around, it seems that Mr Rambo is trying to live a life of peace and spiritual fulfilment alongside a group of Buddhist monks in Thailand, although he Yangs his Yin by partaking in violent stick fighting tournaments to earn money. Yep, he needs to get his anger out somehow or else his pumped-up muscles will explode.

Interrupting Rambo’s existence of tranquillity and stick fighting is his former Commanding Officer, Colonel Sam Trautman (Richard Crenna), who wants Rambo's help in Afghanistan. Back then, the Soviet Union was in control of much of Afghanistan. And if there's one thing I've learned from watching mostly western-made films during my journey through 100 years of cinema, it's that Soviet Union equals bad, America equals good. Although the USA didn't engage directly in war in Afghanistan at the time, they would provide military support to freedom fighters opposed to Soviet rule, specifically the Mujahideen tribes. Trautman's mission is to enter Afghanistan and provide supplies and assistance to the rebel tribes. And for propaganda purposes, we are told all about the atrocities that Soviet forces are committing in the country. But Rambo wants none of it. Trautman tells Rambo a story about a rock, Rambo doesn't really seem to get it (to be fair, the story is a bit boring), and Trautman goes it alone.

However, Trautman's mission doesn't go to plan. His team are ambushed, and he is arrested and held captive by the cruel Soviet Colonel Zaysen (Marc de Jonge). Rambo is informed of this and decides that he will enter Afghanistan to rescue his friend.

Rambo is sneaked into Afghanistan via Pakistan, accompanied by Mousa Ghani, who supplies Rambo with his shopping list of weapons. He arrives at a village, engages in a traditional game of horseback goat tag (I'm sure it's got a proper name), and then, finally, the action starts. Soviet helicopters launch an attack on the village, big explosions ensue, and Rambo takes down a chopper with a bow and arrow. It takes a long time until we get to the start of the action, but from then on until the end, it's pretty much non-stop.

The issue is that, even though it’s all-out action, it's actually a little boring and tedious. Yes, the effects are great, some of the deaths are creative, but there's no element of danger, suspense or threat. While imprisoned, Trautman is tortured. It might make me sound a bit unhinged, but the torture scenes are actually quite tame, and I felt that I wanted more from them. Oh well, I’ll just have to watch Fifty Shades of Grey. Instead, it means the desire for Rambo to avenge these actions just doesn’t exist. There is also never any direct interaction between Rambo and his foes; it all takes place somewhat remotely - behind rocks, cave walls, walkie-talkies, and windows of helicopters and tanks. It just feels like generic one-dimensional attacks against generic one-dimensional enemies, but mostly from a safe distance so Rambo doesn’t get hurt. Even the main baddie, Colonel Zaysen, is portrayed as an over-the-top cartoon villain, rather than a ruthless Soviet sadist. You can’t take the enemy seriously when they are clearly a caricature themselves.

Another problem is that Rambo now seems indestructible. Yes, he’s always been an over-the-top character, but he’s now virtually invincible, so we never feel that he’s ever in any danger. He’ll just fire his rockets, or exploding arrows, and shoot his machine gun at will, or drive tanks at helicopters, and there will be big explosions as vehicles are blown up, bodies fly off in various directions, but all that happens to Rambo is that he gets a scratch or two to show he’s been in a scrap. It becomes quite pointless and mindless when the stakes are low. It’s a bit like playing Call of Duty on easy mode. Ammo will be plentiful, enemies are mostly clueless and will put up little attack, and if you do get shot at, you just need to hide somewhere for a few seconds to heal.

There are attempts to add a touch of humanity to the plot, but they mostly fall flat. We get the idea that Rambo wants to rescue Trautman out of pure loyalty – it’s not actually about the political or military situation in the country, it’s about friendship. But there isn’t really any joy when they do reunite. It’s like, “yep, you’re rescued. Now let’s sort out these commies.” Even when Rambo is accompanied by Mousa, and also an annoying little kid from the destroyed village that insists on following them around, there’s no sense of camaraderie between them. The kid gets in the way, and almost jeopardises the entire mission. In fact, I was rather pleased when Rambo sent them away.

It also takes itself far too seriously. Apart from a line about the purpose of a blue glow stick being that it glows blue, there’s no other humour. However, that might be the issue. The filmmakers wanted it to be about a real conflict featuring the actual enemies of the USA, that joking about such matters might have diminished their intent. Of course, with modern eyes looking back, it’s quite an odd film given that the geopolitical situation has flip-flopped a number of times since, that it’s hard to see it as nothing more than John Rambo takes on people that America said were bad at the time. And he’s not joking. Literally. He only tells one joke.

I didn’t hate this film, it just felt like it was going through the motions, and I think the lack of the jungle setting made it feel less like a Rambo film. It might be that action movie fatigue was setting in by the late eighties, or that the film makers of Rambo III just phoned it in by blowing the majority of their massive budget (it was the most expensive film ever up to that point) on more guns and explosions than any film before, or it might be that the attempt to try to offer clever and patriotic commentary about the Cold War didn’t resonate. It seems that audiences at the time may also have had a similar opinion as it didn’t do too well at the box office, at least against its budget. At the time of its release, the Soviet Union were actually pulling out of Afghanistan, and tensions were thawing between the USA and the Russians, so it probably didn’t have the intended impact. If anything, it proves that an over-the-top action movie needs to be less grounded in real-world situations.

Apparently the horseback goat tag game is called buzkashi. Well, that’s something I’ve learned today. And also that I’ll give films extra points if they feature better torture. I might need help.